Most humans fear rejection as if it’s like a death sentence
Rejection sometimes makes the strongest person fall into pieces. In addition, the severity of the pain changes some of our lives. To be honest, it’s painful. Who likes this emotion? Hence, this lies one of the most painful emotion for some of us. Sometimes, this emotion drives people to jump off from the 16th floor. Not forgetting, it contributes to the most popular and horrible mental disorder: Depression. Surprisingly, this series of pain could lead someone to have an extremely low esteem.
Rejection comes in many forms. That girl who shows you the finger when you ask her out. I have heard a story of a horrible recruiter who laughs at my friend’s presentation during his job interview. What about other subtle rejections? Even simple things stir this emotion. Do you remember a time when you voiced your opinion openly to your group of friends? In your heart, it lies as the best idea ever. You even thought you are an intellectual. But, all of them feels that your idea only makes poop smells slightly better. Ouch.
However, rejection can never be avoided in life.
Rejection is inevitable
Every businessman, executive, doctors, deity, student, teachers, priest, men or women faces rejection. Even dogs. Remember, owners who punch their Maltese on that furry face? All the dog need is some love (I hope the owner becomes a snail in his next life). Remember, when that boy who can’t control his bladder during your childcare? And he accidentally releases his pee to form a huge puddle of water for ants to swims? And the teachers starts scolding him for being an idiot, while every kid looks in horror. I bet the boy felt everyone ostracized him. To experience rejection at such age might change the way he looks at himself.
Some people tried to avoid rejection at all cost. Let’s look at dating for this example. Men who conjure all kinds of lame pick up lines to woo women, because he thinks these lines serves as a technique. I can imagine a creepy man in his underwear seating on the edge of his bed, memorizing scripts after scripts to say at the bar.
Or rather, he tried to overcompensate by teasing the woman too much, and avoid showing any sign of romantic interest. However, the truth lies in his mind. He likes her but is afraid to death to display his emotional side because he fears that she might not like him. Even though he may come off as a confident with his witty lines, he is actually a stupid coward.
However, by avoiding this emotion only leads to further unhappiness. Because this recurring problem never ends. Some people choose to repress it. However, repression eventually leads to a huge explosion when the pain becomes too aggravating.
Two Kinds Of People
Different people deals with this emotion differently. However, most of them lie in this two category.
The first person believes that rejection sucks: Like big time. They feel that rejection defines them as a person. You must be thinking what the heck do I mean by “defines” them. To put it simply, when someone gets rejected, they think they ARE SHIT. They think that rejections equate to their identity as a person. Meaning if I don get shortlisted for the job interview, I am incapable and lousy. To make it worse, some people start to believe that they can never amount anything. Even if it’s only one rejection, they think the problem lies with them. Sadly, their investment in another human being opinion holds a stronger stance than their own perspective of the world.
On the other hand, the second person believes that rejection has nothing got to do with them. They will never invest their time believing that one small setback equates to their identity as a person. In fact, they are very sure of their desires, values, and needs clearly. To them, their own perspective about what they need to do to get what they want lies as their highest priority. They believe that to waste time thinking about the rejection makes no sense at all. They know what they stand for clearly as a person. Nothing will stop them from focusing on the outcome.
The truth about rejection
Many people have a different perspective of rejection. Some people from the older generation will tell you this cold truth. “You have to suck it up, life requires suffering.” Nevertheless, others believe that some “lucky” people have it easy. For instance, you know that annoying friend of yours who constantly complain,” look at him, he has everything, car, money, looks, what does he got to lose?”
All of this have some validate argument about this word, but I have a different take. I believe that rejection is usually not about us. I believe it’s just an event about differences of views. Nothing got to do with us. Some people take it WAY too personally about this.
A job interview
Let’s look at this super lame example. You went for a job interview. I am going to use a guy for this example. Sorry ladies but bear with me a little while.
Imagine, you wore a nice red tie, ironed suit, cool pants, with a really nice shoe. Your armpit smelled as if you emptied the whole bottle of deodorant. You remembered many interview questions with great clarity. And when the interviewer bombarded you with the toughest questions, you answered them with ease. Everything seems to fall into place. The interviewer even told you to prepare for their call with 3 days.
1 week passed.
Not even a message?
By now some people will start doubting themselves. But is it your fault? NO. There will be millions of reasons, but you might never know. It could be the company’s building have been burnt. They might have found a better candidate. Or maybe your qualification far exceeds their expectation of such a menial job scope. Hell, maybe the company’s CMO have decided to hire his mistress for the job.
What can I say? How can you let your emotions to be ruled by something that runs on randomness? To put it simply, nobody knows for sure what’s the reason. In fact, to actually believe that you caused the problem seems to be extremely delusional on your part. It’s could not even be your fault.
Some solutions to this shitty emotion
Hey, guys, I am not a therapist. If the solution did not work for you, then too bad. However, don’t hate if you have not tried.
In the past, I have talked to people who have really a high sense of logic that shares the same trait of beating this problem. Through their behavior, I realized they have a strong sense of identity internally.
Wow Dean stop being such a pretentious prick, what identity are you proclaiming now?
Let me simplify this alien language. Basically, people who know themselves very well. This means that they know their strength and weakness inside out. They know their capability, ability, and flaws. Not forgetting their likes and dislikes.
Hence, they know their worth as a person clearly. They don’t need another person to nod their head to make them feel accepted.
They are confident in their own abilities. Say if a person of confidence applied for a job as a guitar music teacher, but was rejected on the face. He won’t be faltered. Because he knows his ability to play guitar well and the rejection has nothing to do with his skills.
Beside self-confidence, they hold strongly to values that they abide and follow. And what’s the one value that most of them subconsciously have?
One Important Value
They believe that the world has endless opportunities. Take sales for instance. People who have a scarcity mentality thinks that the amount of money they earn will be limited if the competitors are huge. So if they had a bad month. They blame.
“It’s that cake shop across the street who sells chocolate cakes that stole my customer!” Sounds familiar?
However, an abundant mentality opens your mind to new possibilities.
“Well, that baker may have 100 customers, but the world has a population of billions.” Thus, if the owner had focused on the law of huge numbers, he would not have felt defeated.
Likewise, ladies or men if your love interest rejects you, it’s okay. Because even if one person rejects you, there are 999 people out there that might still be interested. Look in terms of huge numbers.
Now let’s look at how the rules we form in our heads that either helps us or screw us in terms of rejection.
The metrics of success
All of us in our heads have some form of expectation we have for ourselves. The most unrealistic expectation is to avoid failure. Do you realize the stupidity of this idea? How can anyone not fail? Even the most successful person ever experience this feeling of not getting what they want.
People who think that they must never be rejected, never be hated, never be disliked, are setting themselves for failure. These are really shitty rules people have created for themselves.
Their metrics of success lies in not failing because if they do, they will feel extremely shitty.
Instead of believing in such rubbish, I would like to think in terms of:
“In anything I do, I will do my best to maximize my potential as a human being.”
I know this new rule sounds retarded. But in a sense, if you have given everything that you have to achieve and the results become a bag garbage, it’s okay. Because at least you have maximized everything that you’ve got, and it’s not your fault.
This rule itself will release you from the trash of believing that you must not fail or experience rejection.