People who did not experience a relationship before believes that love seems to be flawless.
However, for those who had gone through these process realized that love does not solve all problems. At the start of any courtship, everything seems too beautiful. To all couple, don’t you remember the honeymoon period? People always describe the first two months of the relationship as the sweetest moment in their life. Oh, I have forgotten about my single readers. Hey, don’t worry ok, your right one will come soon. Meanwhile, enjoy your lonely nights with Ben & Jerry.
In our culture, some people believes love solves all your horrifying problem. You met Sally, or you met Jimmy. The relationship starts beautifully and falls like how a disgusting shit lands in a toilet bowl. Everything becomes gross and not forgetting messy. You bitch to your friends about how much your Ex makes a big asshole. However, the matter of fact lies in our poor understanding of what makes a functional relationship.
The internet offers different examples of what makes a successful one. Surprising, the nerds from the psychology field actually study this area of how to make our relationship a success. They even developed “principles” regarding this controversial issue. I am not a guru in this area, however, I did a research about this fascinating topic, hence I have decided to share.
The relationship habits below may be unconventional, strange, but it’s a simple “how to guide”, in making sure you succeed in the game of love. And I repeat I am not a love guru from the village.
Habit # 1 Being Open About Needs & Desires
So you went out with your boyfriend. The stars in the night make you feel romantic. However, he seems to be in his own world and contemplating. You wanted him to shower you with love to blend in with the mood. You showed him a sad face expecting for some hugs and kisses. He thought you are being childish. I bet your hopes went right into the drain. I bet some ladies would become pissed off by now and rage like a bull.
What the hell happened here?
This is the subtle art of hinting what you want without expressing it directly. Nobody can read anyone’s mind. Some of us want more affection in a relationship. However, by hinting about it makes everything tough. What’s even worse? People who pick small stuff about their partner, so they can use this to justify about something they are upset about. Instead of telling your girlfriend openly you want her to show you more affection, you accuse her of scrolling through facebook’s feed or replying Whatsapp messages during your date night.
The key lies in showing what you want blatantly.
Habit # 2 Separate Your Partner’s Behavior And Identity
Okay, I know I sound like a scientific or psychology idiot. But trust me this concept blows my mind when I discovered it. Don’t panic if you think I am talking about some alien language. Let me offer an analogy to make you further understand this idea.
Imagine a young 3-year-old child who barely knows about the world walks around a supermarket. His mother observes him as she queues to pay for her groceries. He saw a really big woman with a huge asshole. Strangely, this boy approaches her and smacks her butt with full force. The big lady turns to see what’s going. Our little kid pretends to walk away.
The mother saw the act and scolds the boy for being an idiot, instead of correcting the idiotic behavior.
Obviously, some of us in a relationship likes to scold our partner for being stupid when they make a silly decision. However, the problem lies in the stupidity of the behavior, not the person.
Johnny: You are stupid!
Johnny: That behavior is stupid.
Realize that all our us have flaws and our flaws don’t define us as a person.
Habit # 3 Avoid Using The Past Problems To Justify The Present
In some relationships, there will be one partner that makes a lot mistakes in the past. I mean some of our lovers screw up and hurt us more than we should. Does this mean that during a quarrel, all the blame should be pushed to them? Obviously not.
On the other hand, during a conflict, some couples accuses each other about who made the most mistake in the relationship. Shockingly, I have heard stories of people saying,” You owe me one !” Does this mean when your partner throws a tantrum on your last birthday, you can justify your act of texting flirtatious message to 20 girls behind her back?
If relationship runs on “who screw up more in the past”, this will lead to the downfall of your love life. I am dead serious. If this issue remains unresolved, prepare for a huge bottle of hurt and pain to pile up. Eventually, both party starts to only blame each other about who made more mistakes, rather than solving the current problem.
Instead, focus on solving the problem individually. Meaning if you cheat on your partner, don’t accuse them of sleeping with 10 partners prior to dating you. Realize and admit that you have the habits of a womanizer.
Habit # 4 Stop Threatening To End The Relationship If You Don’t Feel Good
Hey guys if you don’t do this, just skip this part. But feel free to read on if you need to scroll down to the next point(Obviously).
Yeah if your guilty conscience starts to disturb your heart, you need to read this.
Let’s start with a simple quarrel. In order to “win”, you tell your partner this,” Why not we break up? since you can’t handle my behavior!” Obviously, this statement can burn a fat hole in his or her heart. I mean if the conflict lies in something so small, how does this even relate to ending the relationship? Instead, when you focus on solving the main problem healthily, things becomes easier.
When you scare your lover of 10 years, with threats of breaking up, shows you have a flaw bigger than Nicky Minaj’s butt.
In fact, everyone has something we do not like. Even your mom have something you dislike. Differences exist for a reason. If everyone shares the same views about everything, the world will be boring as hell. Understand that commitment and flaws are not the same. You can be committed to someone who constantly shits in their pants. Similarly, one can be strongly devoted to their lover even if they hate their farting habits.
In fact, to make your relationship’s communication stronger, constant feedback and gradual improvement, without a use of threat, serves as the better solution.
Habit # 5 Listen Without Judgement
Many of us want to be understood. We want our views to be heard. Disagreements and judgments suck. Don’t you agree?
To the men: do you have instances when you came back from a hard day of work, rest on the sofa, and your woman starts to talk. You forget to reply her. Out of the sudden, she starts crying for no freaking reasons? or she starts accusing you of not loving her(horrible habit)? I mean I understand your huge fatigue, but if she speaks to the wall, she will never feel loved. Being in the dazed and not being present makes your partner feels unheard.
However, sometimes when people do listen, they make a fatal assumption about things. This proves to be another problem. The classic saying highlight that assumption equates to “ass you and me”
Look at this nasty example.
Imagine after a late night date, your girlfriend highlights about how she feels you don’t love her as much as before. Instead of listening and trying to understand, some men starts to throw their anger. They scold the woman for picking on them. To make matter worse, some men even threaten to not give her more affection. Ironically, these men rage if their women refuse to share their deepest feelings.
This put the woman in a dilemma of,”Should I share or not?” It creates all sort of tension that makes everybody unhappy. Everything seems so complicated when all the woman wanted was her boyfriend to lend a listening ear and try to feel what she feel.
Habit # 6 Take Responsibility For Your Emotions
Imagine you lost your phone while on the way home. Damn. The phone contains huge files of important information. Then when your partner approaches you to give you a kiss on the cheek, you flare at them. How does this even relate to them? Your partner did not cause your phone to go missing
Sure, you lost your phone. Shouldn’t they be more understanding? Why can’t they become a punching bag for once?
Obviously, your partner did nothing wrong. Your carelessness has nothing to do with him or her. Pushing your emotional hurt to another person displays the highest form of self-centredness. Selfish is the word. When your head forms messed up rules about how your partner should shoulder the responsibility of how you feel, everything seems unrealistic.
The truth: we create all our emotions. Nobody can change our response to any situation, except ourselves. Take total responsibility on how your feel. Likewise, your partner should do the same. This habit alone makes a huge difference in forming a healthy relationship.